my only channel..

i guess.. this is my only channel to voice out how i feel during this period of time..

i really feel very bad lately..

coz, i havent been myself and not the way others think i am..

i dun know how i turned into the one i am today..

but, i too, do not want any change in me..


i just simply cant stop myself from thinking..

thinking of things tat i never wish to happen from happening..

the mere thought of me needing to face the uncertain future just simply freaks me out..


i am afraid... afraid of what lies infront of u and me..

but, everytime when i see you, the feeling just dispells away...

it makes me feel so loved.. and treasured..


departing from you always make me feel sad...

sad tat i need to wait for a full day just to have our moments together...

besides that, am afraid of needing to face all the uncertainties alone.. which i never want to...


but, what must come will come...

and, i always thought, going thru the half yr to first yr period is always a difficult and trying one..

for, tats one reason i really find it very hard to let u go whenever we have to depart..


coz, there is only one reasoning for it... i love you too much...

a little too late...

alright.. heres it.. though, like how the title describes this blog, its better to be late than never.. :D

anyway, looking back.. 2yrs 1day ago.. rushing down to pasir ris from my place.. accompanied by then-gf and family members.. i embarked into a journey where all male citizens of singapore has to go thru.. a test of character, endurance and of course, both mental and physical torture..

looking back those days, like how many others describe, it was a journey which i am sure tat i will never forget.. not abt now.. not abt later.. but, its the future..

it really helps quite somehow tat i have stepped into this long long route..

from being a teenager to a man.. at least this is what being told to us... the "special" transformation of National Service... can be considered as "magic" too.. :D


oh well, definately, i learnt many many things in the force..

be it positive or negative, they are all lessons well learnt... though some might be very difficult to handle.. nonetheless, been there done tat!


from the journey into BMTC(Basic Military Training Centre).. up to SISPEC(School of Infantry Specialist).. winding down to ATI(Armour Training Institute).. swindling my way to AFS(Air Force School) and lastly, to 40SAR(Singapore Armoured Regiment)...

oh man.. the journey seems pretty short for a 2yrs stint, right? but, like i always maintain, outsiders might see it a short period of time.. but, the one in the picture finds it very torturous.. and, YES! torturing to me, k! (at least i dare to admit...)

its not always tat bad though... as i look back, thru this journey, i have found numerous amount of friends whom i dare say, good friends! why? coz, we been through thick and thin together! motivating each other.. slacking, playing and even bathing together!

hahaha.. i must say, those times were simply too fun to be even described out in words!

these people definately left a mark in me.. a mark each saying my story in the army...

with that, finally, i am now officially a civilian! :)

bo gay(toothless)

went to extract all 4 of my wisdom tooth last week...

suffered swollen cheeks during the weekend till now...

makes it looks like pig trotters face.. :X

anyway, was really a pain ah...

suffered a number of infections causing fevers during the course of it..

was really quite inconvenient ah..

which makes me look back at my decision to extract all 4 at one go..

hated taking antibiotics.. but, w/o them, seems like i m very vulnerable to viral attacks..

ah.. looking at the packets of medications subscripted to me, makes me realise, it is actually my first time taking so many pills at a go..

total 6 little pills to consume everytime.. 3 times a day somemore..

where do all the pills go after entering the body? dissolved and spread around my body? doesnt tat makes me a pill boy? hehs...


anyway, things are pretty fine lately.. just a few hiccups here or there... and one major issue surfaced..

it has been lingering in my mind ever since i got news of it that one of my best childhood friend's father just passed away..

learnt abt it tat it was sudden death tat caused his passing on..

it really makes me feel the vulnerability of life..

at one moment, things might turn out fine.. while on another, it could turn ugly..

knowing that my friend's personality is pretty strong, but yet, felt so weak when he broke the news to me, makes me feel very upset.. as i could not render much help at that point of time..

if there is ever a chance tat i could speak to the grim reaper, i would really request for him/her to go on unpaid leave.. coz, he must be a very tired person.. very very tired, especially after the natural disasters tat happened recently.. so, if you r hearing this, could u pls approve of my request?

put that aside.. doesnt sound nice to talk abt this thing here..

Meanings for flowers...

Something to share with you all...

Been looking for it for some time.. and, finally, i've found it!

The meaning for number of flowers...

3 I love you
6 I want to be yours
9 Forever in Love
10 You're perfect
11 You are my treasured one
12 Be mine
15 I'm truly sorry
20 I'm truly sincere towards you
21 I'm committed to you
24 Forever yours
32 Miss you
36 You light up my life
48 True love
50 Golden memories
99 Be mine & make me complete
100 Totally in love with you
101 You're my only one
108 Will you marry me?
365 Missing you every day
999 Endless love


Hahhaa... 999 stalks of flowers.. ? i think it will be as heavy as the weights in the gym! :D

*ps, how true the above is? i cant answer u.. therefore, just take it for some basic knowledge will do! :)

s*cks.. BIG TIME!

lately, my life really suc*..

nothing seems to go right for me..

everything just comes in a chuck.. and, at times, i wonder, when will i break down..

if that happens, what kinda person will i be..

what will happen in the future?

will there be one for me.. ?

took time to ponder upon these questions.. and, just like what others will think.. yes, i dun have an answer to it..

but, the mere thought of it scares me..

why am i given this "chance" to think about these.. ?

what i perceive as happiness and simplicity has all turned out to be an illusion..

a mirage.. ?

surely and simply, i hope it isnt...

if all these happenings are just a test to my character, then, i can tell you, i seriously fluck it big time...

really.. nothing seems to go right.. simply nothing..

it just needs one small spark to create a forest fire... and yes, this time rd, it isnt gonna be easy to clear what had happened...

and, i totally feel it..



no, to your answer if all these i have just said is about my rs...

like i mentioned.. its for EVERYTHING... and, it is inclusive..

really feel like running away from all these.. the thought of it just thrills me.. running away...

maybe tat can be a choice too...


really feel like just breaking down.. and get myself into a hibernating mode.. isolating from the messes..

it will all happen after my SOC test.. when i pass it.. i'll start to think it thru..

me..

i am collapsing.. i am..

mother's day

all i can say about this day is, i'm utterly disgusted.

untitled..

been really long since i last updated...

anyway, lately, aint feeling really gd..

many things attributed to the above statement ah..

for instance,

still, there are many quarrels in our relationship... really hope that there aint any.. but, if there isnt any, then, we aint progressing.. such irony.. in a relationship, everyone or anyone dreads quarrelling.. but still, w/o it, the people involved will never be able to know each other better..

so, which is better? one which braves through the danger of breaking up by having frequent quarrels or one that never progresses.. each living in a world of decieve and deniance.. ?

as time goes by, one can really turn disillusioned by what they are seeking in love.. is it the sense of courtship? or, just merely a companion in their life.. ?

i don't know what is for me.. but, i sure can sense that i dun need love.. coz, she is more impt than love.. :)


another thing which contributed to my sadness.. ORD... my friends are slowly ORD-ing from the force... and, yes.. only a handful of us are left...

from this little handful, of course, i am inclusive.. oh well, like how others view it as just simply another month then, we'll be receiving the same freedom which some of us are tasting.. but, as an outsider, they will never understand how those involved feel.. personally, i can really say that i am struggling.. struggling to live up to my past standards... wanting the best outta the time i have in the force.. but, till which level i have achieved, i really dun know.. just wanna live the time in it to its fullest.. tats what i can assure myself over...



next, many many small things ah.. gonna have my wisdom tooth extracted next week.. aiya.. abit scare lei.. geez... dun know what to do ah.. :X

SOC is another pain in the a*s.. timing taken from the trial.. abit inconsistent... sometimes, can run, sometimes cant.. running shldnt be much of an issue.. most imptly, must be able to clear the obstacles ah.. which, still now, i aint very confident in.. although i passed the timing and obstacles yesterday.. but, tat doesn't mean i can do the same during the test..

with the wisdom tooth extraction on the way, i wonder if i can keep myself in the condition i am now.. 1 week of MC.. then, totally no training at all.. oh my germaine!!!(*oOops*) :)

yesterday on my way back from woodlands, wa lao.. met with this inconsiderate fool in the train.. like many have experienced, this is my first time brushing shoulder with such an inconsiderate idiot.. he was blasting his hp music away lor.. i mean, if it is done in an open area, i wont barge de lor.. but, this as*hole actually continued with his ungracious act ah...

throughout the whole journey, was enduring the loud music blasting from his hp.. many a times, i took a glance at that idiot.. and, i am pretty sure he saw how annoyed i was.. but yet, still, doing it the way he was..

really felt he ought to be shot lah... wonder if there is any law stating that no individual shld create a nuisance outta themselves in the public.. if there really is one, i wonder if i can lodge a case against him.. hahaha.. *typical singaporean.. complaining/whining yet no action taken* =X


anyway, just a friendly reminder to all... pls be more attentive to your surrounding.. do what you like.. but, spare a thought for others too.. k? thanks.. =)

point taken...

remember coming through an article which states travelling/holidaying is one of the most memorable way to spend your money...

and, i totally agree with it...

why do i say so?

coz, my recent bangkok trip really makes me think tat it is gonna be one of the most memorable, probably due to the fatigue it brought to me, travelling trip i ever had...

nonetheless, it may be tiring... it may be saddening, but, it comes to a point whereby it lets me know the importance of her...

she let me know where she stood in me during the trip... allowing me to curb my temper numerous times... letting me know my newest fear, her temper, in me.. so many so many more!

hahaha... am really glad tat we met and become what we are today.. :)

单纯 ?

simplicity.. the talk topic of the day..

spent some time thinking about this term.. on how it applies to "爱情"...

is it in all relationships, it must be "爱到死去活来", "永远要新鲜" or even "一切要完美" ?

would all these feelings equate to "永恒" ?


i always thought, in a relationship, as long as both parties are "真心向爱" they are both able to brave through all problems be it either simple or complicated..

"真爱" to a ger or a guy, does it means, "不赌，不喝，不嫖" is sufficient.. ?

to me, it is just tat simple.. and this is truly and really what i thought..

it all need not be "轰轰烈烈的爱情" or "刻骨铭心".. all i require is just one "真诚的爱" and thats more than enough.. and, to achieve it, you just gotta show your sincerity..

is it really that difficult to.. ?

cant problems be solved and troubles be braved together as a couple?

does being tripped over the hurdle(problem/trouble) means there is no way they can stand up together and move ahead.. ?

wouldn't all be wonderful and perfect if both could stand up and look forward together?






on a personal note...,

i am very sure that i will be more than just willing to perform all these if given a chance to...

but, will you.. ?

let me assure u that what i have said and done, like i have always emphasized, is no lip service..

what i have done in the past, is really outta what i wanna do.. no fake act or anything whatsoever..


maybe it was the lack of slp.. or, maybe it is just me.. but, i do hate feeling nausea and lethargic.. As dizziness sips in quietly.. still, i gotta do what is require of me..

dearest.. i love u...

i crossed the line..

yeah.. i did crossed it...

and for that, i have just gotta lose it..

why did i do so.. ?

coz, nothing is more important than her..

bye bye, facebook.

agonising pain...

i hate compensations..

hate hate hate... !!!


why is there something in this world called temper...

maybe coz i have a bad one myself.. tats why i always feel the pain whenever she throws it on me.. :(

i almost experienced it!

been very busy lately.. thought i had times whereby could update my blog.. but, decided not to.. probably coz i chose to procrastinate! hahaha.. :D

anyway, had an outfield last week...

almost gotten foot rot...

both my feet was soaked in rain water for like close to 2 days la.. before i decided to take it out and squeeze off the water..

weather has been really really bad lately... they(meteorology) said tat it was due to some moist before blown over by the wind... thats why we are experiencing these short and sometimes heavy rainpours..

hahaha.. due to the rain, i think, i could label my outfield as one of the worst i have been through during my this 21 months in service ah...

and, due to the rain, i had flu and rashes on my feet!!! *bOohOo!*

now, after one week from the outfield... i'm sick again!!!

lots of phlegm in my throat... blocked nose.. and such... wa lao.. so sway.. :( :( :(

ahhh! someone just cut out my throat and clear the phlegm for me.. can?

a promise...

thats something which resulted me in waiting in the vehicle for 1hr..

not realising that there wasnt any fresh air flowing in with the air conditioning turned off, i stood there.. hoping that the promise will be met..

wanted to stay for a longer period.. but, my sense tell me.. maybe, there are other ways of doing it.. so, i turned back and headed up...

true enough, things could have changed.. but, due to my hasty movement to the vehicle, i left my phone, which was ringing, back at home..

for that, the whole story took a twist for the worse..

likewise from the past, felt that everything went wrong.. immediately, headed back to the veh.. wanting to head to places to look for her.. just to find out halfway thru that she is at home..

drove aimlessly.. aimlessly.. ended up at many places which i didnt know.. felt myself as a road hazard... so, decided to stop.. just to find out, ah.. at a reservior.. a place which we wanted to go together..

stayed there for quite sometime before deciding to plug all my courage to send a message out.. yet, to no avail in my hopes of any reply... so, i stood disappointed with what i hoped for..

so, i went on with my journey of senseless driving..

this is where i chanced upon a place called kent ridge park... looks pretty nice...

went to the dark corners of the park alone.. felt so cold and helpless.. stood there for a while as the cold breezes sweep pass my befallen face.. waking me up from my own world.. sending the chills down my spine..

as soon as i know, i was heading back to the veh... again, hopping into my senseless and aimless drive down the deserted roads...

before i know it, ended up at her place.. hoping to see her.. but yet, as much as i know, returned with negative results...

tat was when i know, its time to go.. i can no longer be so immature in my actions.. i should start doing what i ought to be doing.. not what my heart desires... but, what my mind tells me to...

looking forward for...

this is all i am looking forward for..

but, am afraid that when it comes, it will end fast!!!

i want to be together with u long enuff! *huGz*

valentines' day...

every year this day, i seem to be jinxed to being alone..

almost did not end up this fate.. but yet, it turned out different..

firstly, was being stopped from applying what i felt was a well deserved break from work.. judging from what seems pretty free for me.. yet, proved to be different...

there after, was rather resigned in my fate for the need to stay back... tried very hard to complete as much as i could... and, immediately after that, headed out to go see the one i hoped so much to see...

nonetheless, it took an adverse turn.. a turn which i never thought would have been...

probably, i hurt u too much.. always giving u the unfair treatment.. never once gave u the luxury of time.. always wanting this and that.. but yet, never failed to disappoint u..

i know i am selfish.. i know that i am insensitive.. but, by telling you that i was blinded by love, it couldn't rate up to a reasonable answer for the hurt i incurred on you..

but, the fact is i really am... the more i love.. the more i feel insecured... maybe that is what expectations are... the higher hopes you have, the more afraid u feel tat u will end up with nothing..

disagree? at least it is pretty true for me..

wanted so much to give you a surprise... a hug... and tell u wat was in my mind... but, never got a chance to...


sorry to hurt u... sorry for robbing your happiness away from you... i am truly regretful... :<

turbulence...

everything today seems to be of a roller coaster ride...

going down to the lowest... and after which, headed up... and, went down again..

oh my g~

of course, like anyone, i would like it always to be happy...

but, i really need to try harder..

like what i mentioned.. i really wanna "zhen xi yan qian ren"...

i dun want to miss out on her..

all i could remember, "guo le zhe ge zhan, mei you zhe ge che le"...

i dun want to put all these in my book of regrets...

so, i will do all i can to retain it...

even if it means going thru my lousy past.. be it good or bad, i just want her to know it all!

on top of all..

4 drops of tear..

1 smile..

amazed!

amazingly, i feel like settling down le...



just dun understand myself..



such spontaneous

first lesson of the lunar calender!

now, i finally understand what others meant by, "take my breathe away"...

coz, i m having the feel of it now...

dunno whether it is the health or mind affecting it...

but, ultimately, it does affect... >.<~