Saturday, February 16, 2008

looking forward for...

this is all i am looking forward for..

but, am afraid that when it comes, it will end fast!!!

i want to be together with u long enuff! *huGz*

Thursday, February 14, 2008

valentines' day...

every year this day, i seem to be jinxed to being alone..

almost did not end up this fate.. but yet, it turned out different..

firstly, was being stopped from applying what i felt was a well deserved break from work.. judging from what seems pretty free for me.. yet, proved to be different...

there after, was rather resigned in my fate for the need to stay back... tried very hard to complete as much as i could... and, immediately after that, headed out to go see the one i hoped so much to see...

nonetheless, it took an adverse turn.. a turn which i never thought would have been...

probably, i hurt u too much.. always giving u the unfair treatment.. never once gave u the luxury of time.. always wanting this and that.. but yet, never failed to disappoint u..

i know i am selfish.. i know that i am insensitive.. but, by telling you that i was blinded by love, it couldn't rate up to a reasonable answer for the hurt i incurred on you..

but, the fact is i really am... the more i love.. the more i feel insecured... maybe that is what expectations are... the higher hopes you have, the more afraid u feel tat u will end up with nothing..

disagree? at least it is pretty true for me..

wanted so much to give you a surprise... a hug... and tell u wat was in my mind... but, never got a chance to...


sorry to hurt u... sorry for robbing your happiness away from you... i am truly regretful... :<

Sunday, February 10, 2008

turbulence...

everything today seems to be of a roller coaster ride...

going down to the lowest... and after which, headed up... and, went down again..

oh my g~

of course, like anyone, i would like it always to be happy...

but, i really need to try harder..

like what i mentioned.. i really wanna "zhen xi yan qian ren"...

i dun want to miss out on her..

all i could remember, "guo le zhe ge zhan, mei you zhe ge che le"...

i dun want to put all these in my book of regrets...

so, i will do all i can to retain it...

even if it means going thru my lousy past.. be it good or bad, i just want her to know it all!

Saturday, February 09, 2008

on top of all..

4 drops of tear..

1 smile..

Thursday, February 07, 2008

amazed!

amazingly, i feel like settling down le...



just dun understand myself..



such spontaneous

first lesson of the lunar calender!

now, i finally understand what others meant by, "take my breathe away"...

coz, i m having the feel of it now...

dunno whether it is the health or mind affecting it...

but, ultimately, it does affect... >.<~

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

difference...

the mood is just so different...

i strongly doubt tat i have felt this way during the past r/s...

i just feel so affected...

even if it meant the slightest of all...

so wanna just close my eyes and stop thinking...

but, i cant... it just weights so much...

feel like i am be suffocated somehow...

the ache.. the lessen breathing counts... everything accumulating... >.<~

procrastinate..

been procrastinating ever since i came back from thailand..

wanted to do so many things.. but yet, like the title suggests, not achieving much...

oh well, blogging is one of them.. although, during one occasion, wanted to blog.. but, blogger was somewhat not responding..

anyway, am in camp now.. doing duty... hate it when i am already missing my family, my loved one and my everything so much but still, being put on duties.. this is probably what happens when people think that you have been slacking/enjoying while being attached overseas...

while surfing the net, i chanced upon this article which states "Pregnancy impairs memory"..

sorta left me thinking.. if thats the case, wouldnt it be much of disadvantageous to ur partner if you want to procreate?

wouldnt u be selfish to want set up a family.. ?

wouldnt it be sacrificial for ur partner even though she is agreeable.. ?

with that, maybe i shld think twice or even thrice before deciding to set up a family...

but, in the first place, is there someone willing to do this for u.. ?

with that, i asked myself.. and, the first thought was, "NO"...

hahaha.. didn't know why and how i derive to that answer.. maybe due to my current state of mind... doesnt look or seem healthy.. but, that is my thought now.. no denying at all...


nevertheless, just want to end this entry with a happy note.. Happy Chinese New Yr to all! May all good returns and bad begone! ;)