my only channel..

i guess.. this is my only channel to voice out how i feel during this period of time..

i really feel very bad lately..

coz, i havent been myself and not the way others think i am..

i dun know how i turned into the one i am today..

but, i too, do not want any change in me..


i just simply cant stop myself from thinking..

thinking of things tat i never wish to happen from happening..

the mere thought of me needing to face the uncertain future just simply freaks me out..


i am afraid... afraid of what lies infront of u and me..

but, everytime when i see you, the feeling just dispells away...

it makes me feel so loved.. and treasured..


departing from you always make me feel sad...

sad tat i need to wait for a full day just to have our moments together...

besides that, am afraid of needing to face all the uncertainties alone.. which i never want to...


but, what must come will come...

and, i always thought, going thru the half yr to first yr period is always a difficult and trying one..

for, tats one reason i really find it very hard to let u go whenever we have to depart..


coz, there is only one reasoning for it... i love you too much...

a little too late...

alright.. heres it.. though, like how the title describes this blog, its better to be late than never.. :D

anyway, looking back.. 2yrs 1day ago.. rushing down to pasir ris from my place.. accompanied by then-gf and family members.. i embarked into a journey where all male citizens of singapore has to go thru.. a test of character, endurance and of course, both mental and physical torture..

looking back those days, like how many others describe, it was a journey which i am sure tat i will never forget.. not abt now.. not abt later.. but, its the future..

it really helps quite somehow tat i have stepped into this long long route..

from being a teenager to a man.. at least this is what being told to us... the "special" transformation of National Service... can be considered as "magic" too.. :D


oh well, definately, i learnt many many things in the force..

be it positive or negative, they are all lessons well learnt... though some might be very difficult to handle.. nonetheless, been there done tat!


from the journey into BMTC(Basic Military Training Centre).. up to SISPEC(School of Infantry Specialist).. winding down to ATI(Armour Training Institute).. swindling my way to AFS(Air Force School) and lastly, to 40SAR(Singapore Armoured Regiment)...

oh man.. the journey seems pretty short for a 2yrs stint, right? but, like i always maintain, outsiders might see it a short period of time.. but, the one in the picture finds it very torturous.. and, YES! torturing to me, k! (at least i dare to admit...)

its not always tat bad though... as i look back, thru this journey, i have found numerous amount of friends whom i dare say, good friends! why? coz, we been through thick and thin together! motivating each other.. slacking, playing and even bathing together!

hahaha.. i must say, those times were simply too fun to be even described out in words!

these people definately left a mark in me.. a mark each saying my story in the army...

with that, finally, i am now officially a civilian! :)

bo gay(toothless)

went to extract all 4 of my wisdom tooth last week...

suffered swollen cheeks during the weekend till now...

makes it looks like pig trotters face.. :X

anyway, was really a pain ah...

suffered a number of infections causing fevers during the course of it..

was really quite inconvenient ah..

which makes me look back at my decision to extract all 4 at one go..

hated taking antibiotics.. but, w/o them, seems like i m very vulnerable to viral attacks..

ah.. looking at the packets of medications subscripted to me, makes me realise, it is actually my first time taking so many pills at a go..

total 6 little pills to consume everytime.. 3 times a day somemore..

where do all the pills go after entering the body? dissolved and spread around my body? doesnt tat makes me a pill boy? hehs...


anyway, things are pretty fine lately.. just a few hiccups here or there... and one major issue surfaced..

it has been lingering in my mind ever since i got news of it that one of my best childhood friend's father just passed away..

learnt abt it tat it was sudden death tat caused his passing on..

it really makes me feel the vulnerability of life..

at one moment, things might turn out fine.. while on another, it could turn ugly..

knowing that my friend's personality is pretty strong, but yet, felt so weak when he broke the news to me, makes me feel very upset.. as i could not render much help at that point of time..

if there is ever a chance tat i could speak to the grim reaper, i would really request for him/her to go on unpaid leave.. coz, he must be a very tired person.. very very tired, especially after the natural disasters tat happened recently.. so, if you r hearing this, could u pls approve of my request?

put that aside.. doesnt sound nice to talk abt this thing here..

Meanings for flowers...

Something to share with you all...

Been looking for it for some time.. and, finally, i've found it!

The meaning for number of flowers...

3 I love you
6 I want to be yours
9 Forever in Love
10 You're perfect
11 You are my treasured one
12 Be mine
15 I'm truly sorry
20 I'm truly sincere towards you
21 I'm committed to you
24 Forever yours
32 Miss you
36 You light up my life
48 True love
50 Golden memories
99 Be mine & make me complete
100 Totally in love with you
101 You're my only one
108 Will you marry me?
365 Missing you every day
999 Endless love


Hahhaa... 999 stalks of flowers.. ? i think it will be as heavy as the weights in the gym! :D

*ps, how true the above is? i cant answer u.. therefore, just take it for some basic knowledge will do! :)

s*cks.. BIG TIME!

lately, my life really suc*..

nothing seems to go right for me..

everything just comes in a chuck.. and, at times, i wonder, when will i break down..

if that happens, what kinda person will i be..

what will happen in the future?

will there be one for me.. ?

took time to ponder upon these questions.. and, just like what others will think.. yes, i dun have an answer to it..

but, the mere thought of it scares me..

why am i given this "chance" to think about these.. ?

what i perceive as happiness and simplicity has all turned out to be an illusion..

a mirage.. ?

surely and simply, i hope it isnt...

if all these happenings are just a test to my character, then, i can tell you, i seriously fluck it big time...

really.. nothing seems to go right.. simply nothing..

it just needs one small spark to create a forest fire... and yes, this time rd, it isnt gonna be easy to clear what had happened...

and, i totally feel it..



no, to your answer if all these i have just said is about my rs...

like i mentioned.. its for EVERYTHING... and, it is inclusive..

really feel like running away from all these.. the thought of it just thrills me.. running away...

maybe tat can be a choice too...


really feel like just breaking down.. and get myself into a hibernating mode.. isolating from the messes..

it will all happen after my SOC test.. when i pass it.. i'll start to think it thru..

me..

i am collapsing.. i am..

mother's day

all i can say about this day is, i'm utterly disgusted.